September 4, 2015

I had the opportunity to give a talk in Church last Sunday.  My topic was something very dear to me.  My Family.  I thought I would share my thoughts on the subject.

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Contributing to Family Life

Once upon a time in a land far, far away, called Riverside, California lived a little family that consisted of a father, mother, two boys, two girls, two dogs and a cat.  They were all piled into the car (except the dogs and cat) to head to Uncle Kris’s house for Christmas Eve.  It was normally about an hour drive, but on this particular night it took over an hour to go two exits not more than 3 miles from the house.  The little family decided to get off the freeway, go home in 5 minutes, sell their house and move to the beautiful new land of Oregon.  It took nearly eight months for everything to work out so they could move.  

One of the first things they did was hold the first of many family councils to decide what they would do.  It was a hard decision to uproot the family and move away from family and friends; but after much prayer, fasting and discussions the family decided to move to the far away land of Oregon.  

There were many ways each member contributed to family life.  The dictionary defines contributing as “to give or supply in common with others; give to a common fund or for a common purpose.”  I had never really thought of it quite that way.  Oh, I got the “to give” part down, but it says “in common with others.”  Isn’t that exactly what contributing to family life is; each family member giving or supplying something in common for the good of the whole family?  

What are some ways we can contribute to family life?  Certainly personal and family prayer is an important way to contribute.

Alma 34:20 – 27 reads: 

  20 Cry unto him when ye are in your afields, yea, over all your flocks.  (or dogs as the case may be)

  21 aCry unto him in your houses, yea, over all your household, both morning, mid-day, and evening. 

  22 Yea, cry unto him against the power of your aenemies. 

  23 Yea, acry unto him against the bdevil, who is an enemy to all crighteousness. 

  24 Cry unto him over the crops of your fields, that ye may prosper in them. 

  25 Cry over the flocks of your fields, that they may increase.  (our dog is pregnant so we are praying we will have lots of puppies)

  26 But this is not all; ye must apour out your souls in your bclosets, and your secret places, and in your wilderness. 

  27 Yea, and when you do not cry unto the Lord, let your ahearts be bfull, drawn out in prayer unto him continually for your cwelfare, and also for the welfare of dthose who are around you. 

Prayer was the first way we each contributed to our family life.  There were many other reasons for the move besides the terrible traffic we experienced that Christmas Eve.  Prayer was a way for us to identify our reasons and find answers to our problems.  We had been wanting to move for some time and our prayers now confirmed to each of us that the time was right.

Right along with prayer is Family Home Evening as a way we can contribute to family life.  We weren’t always consistent, but we did our best to hold FHE often.  In preparation for this talk I asked my kids what were some of the most memorable FHEs they remembered.  One of my sons shared this memory.  “The only FHE that I specifically remember is the pretty cookies made with too much salt, and the ugly cookies that tasted good. 'Satan' was offering the more appealing salty cookies, while 'Christ' was offering the ugly cookies. The lesson I understood was that Satan can try to make things look attractive, but they are gross and bad beneath the surface. I have never understood why the yummy cookies had to not look good. Maybe the message there was that what Christ offers may not always look appealing on the outside, but is far more desirable in the end.”  You sometimes wonder if your kids get the message.  All the kids remembered putting a sheet on the floor and putting the Stir Crazy popcorn popper in the middle with the top off and letting the popcorn fly all over.  It was a fun way to eat popcorn for our refreshment.  They also remembered the great discussions we would have.  Sometimes they could be serious gospel discussions and sometimes just fun topics.  We would make treats and take them to the neighbors or ward members during the holidays.  We had one FHE where we had to write something good on a piece of paper for each member in the family.  Then we put that person in the center of the circle while we read what was written.  Some still have their slips of paper.  My brother also sent me some FHE things his family has done.  He told me of a time they built a tower in the back yard.  They used the tower for several lessons on the Book of Mormon from King Benjamin’s address to the Ramiumpton.  They were going to take it down after they were done with the series but the kids wanted to leave it up.  It ended up staying in his backyard for several years.  They often found their kids playing on it all the time giving talks and acting like King Benjamin.  Family Home Evening is a great way to build family unity.

We can contribute to family life by supporting family members.  We can do this by attending events that family members participate in such as: Little League, basketball, plays and concerts, track meets, or anything else they may be interested in.  I remember volunteering to chaperone the High School Band when they traveled to Northern California to participate in a parade.  We “camped out” in the local high school gym.  Needless to say we didn’t get much sleep.  That was quite an adventure filled with fond memories.  We also supported both our sons in getting their Eagle projects done.  We had a rule in our family that said the boys couldn’t get their driver’s license until they got their Eagle.  Well, I’m not sure if they didn’t think we would really follow through or not, but Douhet’s 16th birthday came and he was still lacking his Eagle project.  He really wanted to be able to drive when we moved to Oregon so he realized he had better get busy.  The whole family pitched in and of course all the other scouts did too.  He designed and made small personal bulletin boards that he gave to residents in a local nursing home.  We had a massive assembly line where we put them together and decorated them.  Everyone had fun helping.  He was excited he was able to drive the whole way here and I was glad I didn’t have to drive.

Another way we support family members is in encouraging and strengthening them.  Christ told Peter “…when thou are converted, strengthen thy brethren.” (Luke 22:32)   And in D&C 108:7 we read “Therefore, strengthen your brethren in all your conversations, in all your prayers, in all your exhortations, and in all your doings.”  It is amazing to me how most, if not all, Church assignments are for our growth and not because we are the “best suited” for the job.  In preparing this talk, I could see many ways I need to improve in contributing to my family life.  This particular scripture I think hits home for me.  I don’t think I’ve done a very good job of strengthening my family in all my conversations, prayers, exhortations and doings.  I think I need to really work on this…especially in the conversation arena.  I, we, need to encourage our family more in our conversations with them.  We always told our children they could do or be anything they wanted to be.  We didn’t realize what an impact our words had on our children until Douhet, our oldest son got married and bought a small one bedroom house.  After his first child, Laila, was born he decided he needed to add on to the house so he tore off the back of the house that consisted of the bath room and the laundry room.  They asked if they could stay with us for a few weeks until they could get a new bathroom built.  The few weeks turned into 9 months, two bathrooms, 3 bedrooms, a laundry room and an upstairs.  We were totally impressed with what he had accomplished and even more so when he did virtually all the work himself.  We asked him what made him decide to do this himself.  After all he had never built a house or anything like that before.  He said we told him he could do what ever he wanted to do and he wanted to build his house.  Well, he did and he did a beautiful job.  A few years later, he tore off the front of the house, which was the remaining “old” house and built a new living room, kitchen, dining room and finished the upstairs.  He ended up with a beautiful new house that was three times larger than the little one bedroom they started with.  The only problem is he then sold the house and got 5 acres of land out here in the Molalla River Ward and did it all over again.  That meant they had to move away from us.

Family unity is another way we contribute to family life.  We do this when we make decisions together as a family, or participate in enjoyable family activities.  We have always tried to encourage living in love and harmony.  We didn’t always succeed, but we tried to instill in our children that friends may come and go over the years, but their brothers and sisters will be there forever.  They need to be best friends.  We had to work on this at times.  There was a TV show in the 80’s that some of you may remember called Family Ties, starring Michael J. Fox as Alex Keaton.  In nearly every episode Alex would cleverly put down his sister, Mallory in very funny ways.  He always got laughs.  Well, one of our sons, not Douhet, decided he wanted to be funny too, so he started emulating Alex by putting down his sister in cleaver, fun ways.  The only problem is what may be funny on television is not necessarily funny in real life and certainly not funny to the person being put down.  Once we realized what was happening we had to ban him from watching Family Ties (and a couple of other TV shows that had similar plots.)  We also talked to him about what he was doing and how his sister felt.  It took a while to break the habit, but peace and harmony were once again restored to our house.  They even became very good friends.

We still work on enjoyable family activities.  We are lucky enough to have all our children live within an hour of us so we can get together for birthdays and holidays.  I love it when we all get together.  We decided after the kids all got married that we would have a family vacation every year.  It started out with just a weekend so no one would have to take time off work or away from their own family vacations.  Our first trips were camping or renting a cabin at the beach.  We would stay up late and play games and talk or just hang out.  As more grandchildren came along it became a little more challenging to find a place that would accommodate all of us.  We take turns deciding where we will go and several years ago, one of our children splurged a little and decided to rent a house in SunRiver in December so we could play in the snow.  He also upped the time 2 more nights.  That was wonderful and great and everything, but you have to realize this particular child was the one that was reluctant to even do the group family vacations in the beginning.  Now he’s one who is already planning the next vacation when it is his turn again.  SunRiver was a favorite place of ours and we went back several times until we outgrew the house.  There are now 28 of us.  The grandkids love being together with all their cousins.

Of course, one of the best ways we can contribute to family life is to participate and encourage Temple attendance.  

D&C 138 47-48

  47 The Prophet Elijah was to plant in the ahearts of the children the promises made to their fathers, 

  48 Foreshadowing the great work to be done in the atemples of the Lord in the bdispensation of the fulness of times, for the redemption of the dead, and the csealing of the children to their parents, lest the whole earth be smitten with a curse and utterly wasted at his coming. 

We have always tried to make the Temple an important place in our family.  From the time our children were small we attended the Temple at least once a month or more often if we lived closer.  Our children knew they would either go to Grandma’s house or get a sitter so we could go to Temple Night.  I never really thought much about that consistency until our oldest daughter gave a talk several years after she was married and had children of her own.  She shared how that monthly Temple trip taught her how important the Temple was in our life.  She knew she would be married in the Temple and there was never a doubt in her mind.  We had the great pleasure of seeing each of our children kneel across the alter as they were sealed to their eternal companions.  We had the tremendous joy of having ALL of our children and their eternal companions together in the Temple at the sealing of the last wedding.  We look forward to ALL being together again someday.  I love the Temple that binds families together forever.  I love my family.  They are the greatest joy in my life.

In closing I testify to you that families are CENTRAL to Heavenly Father’s plan.  He is our Father, after all.  We have a Heavenly Mother too.  And Jesus Christ is our elder brother.  Our families should be patterned after our Heavenly Family.  He has given us all the tools we need to succeed.  It is my prayer that we will each do all we can to create a heaven on earth in our home where the Spirit can dwell continually.  Then we can return to live in our Heavenly Home again someday.