Sunday, May 3, 2009

Jump on the band wagon!

I've been thinking about this for some time now, and decided to finally jump on the Blog band wagon.


I've been impressed with my children and friends who have blogs and the wonderful insight into who they are I have received from reading their blogs. We don’t always share our thought and feelings out loud, but it is sometimes easier to put them in writing. Hence the title of my blog…at least at this time.

My kids will know their father picked the title; because he is known for his “big” words. He thought Cathartic Muses would be a good title; because it is a way to purge myself of deeper thoughts and feelings that don’t always come out. I may find that I will delete some of my muses before they ever get posted because deep down I won’t want anyone to read them, but the exercise of writing them will have the same, “healing” affect. At least that is the theory.

I guess the jumping off point came after I reread my daughter’s blog on thirty something and her sister’s blog on a similar topic. They both mentioned that now they are 30 something they should feel and behave grown-up, after all they are adults now. Well, it got me thinking about myself. I’m way past thirty something and even getting to the upper end of fifty something. I related completely to both of their comments. The scary part was I didn’t just relate to their comments when I was thirty, but I am still relating to their comments. Am I who I should be? I keep wondering what I’m going to be when I grow up. Oh, I’m still growing, that’s for sure and sometimes the growing pains are very painful. I certainly expected to be in a far different position at this age then where we are. In many ways I feel we are starting over again, hopefully far wiser then we were at 20 something.

I’m not sure I have met any of my expectations of who and where I thought I would be. I still have so many of the same shortcomings I had when I was younger. I’m still impatient, prideful, critical, and a number of other caustic characteristics. Have I made any improvements? I think I am more thankful then I used to be. Years ago I discovered the great blessing of expressing my gratitude to Heavenly Father on a daily basis. I keep a thankful journal everyday. I try to look for something different each day to be thankful for. It is especially helpful on bad days, because it forces me to recognize my blessings. It is also very beneficial to go back and review my blessings from previous days, weeks and months. I am also working on overcoming my critical nature. When I think and pray about that I do much better and I’m able to keep that “nature” under control. I do think I’m a better person that I was 30 years ago. I’m definitely more patient with my 14 beautiful grandchildren then I ever was with my 4 children. I guess while I’m trying to look for the good in others in my effort to not be so critical I need to also look for the good in myself and recognize how far I’ve come.

I think maybe my cathartic muses will be good for me, whether anyone reads them or not. If for no other reason then to help me purge and heal it will be worth it.

2 comments:

  1. Welcome on board. Now we can find out what really goes on in your head. Shouldn't be much different than the rest of us.

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  2. I enjoyed your first two posts. It is interesting to read what you write when you're just talking to yourself (sort of). Blogging is a very concious thought process, because it is published; but also a very personal one, because let's be honest, not that many people are going to read any particular blog. I look forward to getting to know you better as you let your cathartic muses have their day in the sun.

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